Charisma Is a Skill

I've been asking charismatic people their tips, and there’s one surprising thing they all have in common.

They "built" it.

Recently I was at a friend’s place, looking through his childhood photos.

On those old pictures, I recognized the "face" I myself make in photos: a very unengaged, kind of look.

But today, I know him as one of the most animated, smiling, laughing people around. Heart of the party.

So I asked him: "What changed?"

Turns out, he actively thinks about looking smiley and animated for others. Makes him look good in photos and leaves a better impression on the people around him.

A little later, I was talking to another friend, someone I'd call one of the most charismatic people I know in conversation.

He makes you feel like what you’re saying really matters. Great eye contact. Sharp questions. You walk away feeling good.

I asked him the same thing.

Turns out, he also trained in front of the mirror. Watched YouTube videos. Put real thought into how he presents himself.

For a long time I thought charisma was something you were just born with.

But looking back at my own life, I’ve also had to learn to be more animated. My default is pretty flat, but over the years, I’ve started consciously showing more positive emotion instead of staying neutral.

And it makes a difference.

So if you recognize yourself in these words, just know: it's a skill.

Maybe we just haven't put in the hours yet.